I’ll never forget the time that my junior high principal said to me, “Binja, women are to be seen and not heard”. For as much as a #badass and #FearlessQueen as I like to think myself, this criticism of my personality rang in the back of my mind for so long. At times it prevented me from being honest about who I was. At times this critique followed me into the workplace where I struggled to find the balance between my exuberance and what was perceived as ‘professional’.
There are many times when I felt that I was too much. There were times when people gave me the look. You know, the one that says – girl, why you always doing too much? Yeah, I’ve lived on the thin line between people loving my personality and thinking that I was just ‘too much’.
A couple of years ago, I looked up from my home office and teared up. My being too much has brought me so far! This criticism of my personality has been the thing that has made my friends feel vulnerable enough to confide in me, clients bold enough to hire me and allowed me to be the fierce woman that I am today.
I stopped worrying about what other people thought because all it did was make me more insecure. The worst thing you can do when someone says that you are too much is to internalize this criticism. It’s not easy to hear negativity about yourself but I would rather know what you think of me to my face than hear about it behind my back. I prefer the direct approach. The more I heard that I was doing the most or that ‘I was too much,’ the more I learnt how to let this roll off my back.
I began dissassocaiting myself with this critique of my personality and came to realize that people who know me, love me. They love all of me – quirks and all. I realized that I am also not for everybody. As a reformed people pleaser (see post here, here), this was a tough pill to swallow. But it was the best lesson that I learnt: you will always find your tribe. There is no need to continue trying to fit a square peg in a round hole! You should just leave the negativity and find your tribe!
So to all out there that have been told that they are ‘too much,’ – you are, and that is your superpower!
