Looking for validation is a sure sign … in many instances of insecurity. In these instances, an individual is looking to another person – an authority figure, a loved one – for example, to let them know that what they are doing/ have done is worthy. Worthy of their attention, approval or acknowledgement. On paper this isn’t so bad … but when all you do relies on other’s validation to dictate your level of happiness or satisfaction, then we have a problem.
You should be satisfied with the work that you produce outside of any external voices. Others may have opinions – as they usually do – on your output, but you should be confident enough in what you produce to back it up if challenged.
The perils of looking for other people’s validation is that you begin to lose your sense of creativity and autonomy. You begin to rely on others’ opinions for everything, which is extremely dangerous. No one should have that much influence over your life. It’s like handing the steering wheel of your life to another to just take control. Bad idea.
So how do you get validated externally without having to rely on it to becoming the sole source of your joy?
- Believe in yourself – I know it may sound obvious but realize that at some point you stopped believing that you had the answers and began doubting your capabilities. Believing in yourself is the first step to reclaiming your self confidence. Create mantras that can get you through tough times, keep emails of evidence of prior lauded work, keep post its affirming who you are and what you are capable of.
- Share how you are feeling with a trusted individual – many times we bottle up these feelings of insecurity and it’s easy to just keep things locked in but there is such a freedom in being vulnerable y’all. The beauty in letting go and being bare is always rewarded by clarity, comfort and direction if handled appropriately.
- Set boundaries – realize that you are in this position because you have allowed certain personal lines to be blurred. Its time to draw new boundaries and articulate them with the team or partner that you are continually seeking validation from. Boundaries are not only important as they keep you safe but they also keep the external folks that you need validation from out of your sacred space, which is an important part of protecting your peace and builiding up your self confidence.
- Keep a journal of external successes – this is one that I personally advocate for. We get our heads so wrapped up in looking to others for validation that we invalidate the other areas in our lives where we are honestly killing it! Being able to reflect on the moments where you are doing amazing work and getting recognized for it – should all be reminders that you are capable of great things.
- Keep visual reminders of your external successes – this should technically be a part b to #4 but here we are! If you volunteer and get a volunteer award, put it up on a mantle. If you travel and collect mugs like I do, display them as visual reminders of times past and of journeys that you have successfully embarked on. Reflect on the victories that you celebrated and challenges that you overcame during these trips. There is so much more to you! Keeping these visuals will help you get your faith back up! And lawd knows we need that faith!
How do you validate what you do? How do you avoid falling into the insecurities that looking for validation brings? Share with me in the comments section below or on Instagram @Africancocktail.
